Hidden Truths
by Steph7085
Summary: POST Resolution...Feelings can only be hidden for so long, until they break out. JC...what I think should have happened. I just had to do it lol.
1. Chapter 1

**Dicalimer**: The usual.

**Author's Note:** Pretty much everyone has wrote one so I thought I might as well. Not to mention insomnia struck again and I had way to much time on my hands lol. I think we all know J/C is the perfect couple (don't deny it , you know I'm right lol) so I felt compelled to write my version a.k.a. what should have happened. Anyway now that I have kinda finished rambling...I hope you enjoy it, please review and tell me what you think.

PLEASE R&R

Thanks

x

* * *

"_I can tell you a story, an ancient legend among my people. It's about an angry warrior who lived his life in conflict with the rest of his tribe. A man who couldn't find peace, even with the help of his spirit guide. For years he struggled with his discontent, but the only satisfaction that he ever got came when he was in battle. This made him a hero among his tribe, but the warrior still longed for peace within himself. One day he and his war party were captured by a neighbouring tribe led by a woman warrior. She called on him to join her because her tribe was too small and weak to defend itself from all its enemies. The woman warrior was brave and beautiful and very wise. The angry warrior swore to himself that he would stay by her side, doing whatever he could to make her burden lighter. From that point on her needs would come first, and in that way, the warrior began to know the true meaning of peace." _

Kathryn woke up startled, ever since they had been cured and returned to Voyager, her dreams were filled with his eyes, his smile, everything about him. The angry warrior legend replayed itself in her mind constantly. As she thought about it tears came unwillingly to her eyes and trickled down her cheeks. _God dam it Kathryn, you are a Starfleet Captain, get over it,_ she scolded herself.

She knew she was happy to have Voyager back; but she couldn't stop the feeling of emptiness inside her. She felt as if she had left part of her soul on the planet, but that was a price she was willing to pay, to get her crew home. She wanted him so badly it was a physical ache, but she never got the chance to tell him how she felt and now she never would.

"I love you Chakotay." She whispered into the darkness, before turning her head into her pillow and crying herself to sleep.

Morning came all too quickly, the silence disturbed by the whining of the alarm clock. Kathryn was fighting a battle within herself: Kathryn wanted to go over to Chakotay's quarters, throw herself into his arms and kiss him senseless with all the passion she had within her; however the Captain had other ideas, the word protocol was droning continuously in the back of her mind, like a broken record. She had never hated that word more in her life.

Desperately needing to clear her mind, she quickly headed for the bathroom and followed through with her morning routine: _no more sleeping in, _she thought solemnly, _not that I did much, but it was nice to have the option. The breakfast Chakotay…there I go again. STOP IT!_ Her mind screamed. To stop that train of thought, she pulled on her Captain's mask and headed for the bridge.

Chakotay's dreams were filled with images of New Earth; of the Kathryn he saw, without the forever present Captain's mask, suppressing emotions and her amazing personality. Sure he saw glimpses of the women behind the mask before and it had fascinated him, so he desperately tried to find out more about her and they had even become friends, but always present was the dominating presence of command. It was even present for a time on New Earth.

Chakotay knew he had feelings for her before; much more than a first officer should have for his Captain, but the extent of those feelings went unrealised until the night of the plasma storms; the fear that gripped him when he couldn't find her. They were the images that woke him from his slumber.

His heart raced wildly as he bolted upright, gasping for breath. To rid him of the frightening images he made his mind relive the good moments: the way her shoulders shimmered in the moonlight, as the light reflected from her creamy skin, covered in water from the bath she had. The way she interacted with the annoyingly cute monkey; how her eyes glistened with unshed tears as he confessed his feelings in the form of a legend, the single tear that left a track down her cheek. Not to mention the way her hand felt in his, fingers entwining together.

"Oh Kathryn…" He whispered to the empty space around him, which reminded him of his soul.

Did she feel the same? That was the question he had to ask himself. He knew she cared for him, but was it more than that was it the kind of care shared between friends, or did she feel like he did; a kind of love that made you physically ache to be with that person. In his heart he knew she returned his feelings in full, her eyes betrayed her and told him everything he needed to know. Just before they transported back to Voyager, she showed him more than words ever could, with her eyes alone.

He didn't know how long he was lost in thought but before he knew it; his alarm intruded his minds thoughts and brought him back to reality. Grumbling to himself, he got up and prepared himself for the day ahead. Quickly grabbing a slice of toast from the replicator, he exited his quarters and headed to the bridge.

Chakotay made it to the turbo lift in record time, before he could order a destination, a familiar voice shouted:

"Hold the lift." As the doors reopened, Kathryn lifted her head to thank the person. As her gaze met his they both froze and the world around them faded away into nothingness.

TBC…

Please tell me what you think! Do you think I should continue...?


	2. Chapter 2

Authors note:) Thank you all, for all the great reviews, I'm getting all big headed now (joke) lol. Well...here is the next chapter, I got kinda emotional writing this lol, you can probably tell, I hope you like it! Enjoy:)

PLEASE R&R

Thanks

x

* * *

Silence filled the void around them; neither knew what to do or to say to the other or even how to act. They just froze, lost in the intimacy of their eye contact. After what seemed like an eternity Kathryn broke their link, looking down to the floor to try and compose the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm her, she had to keep her control, so as always the Captain took charge. Straightening her shoulders and lifting her chin she finally broke the silence; 

"Good morning, Commander." She said as neutrally as possible. At the use of his title his face fell, shattering some of her resolve. Before she could do anything to make it better he spoke:

"Captain." His voice was as neutral as hers but she couldn't help but notice the slight waver, which smashed another hole in her defences. Taking a deep breath she stepped into the turbo lift, immediately turning to face the doors. She made sure she stood as far away from him as she could in the small space of the turbo lift; it wasn't easy, but his closeness affected her more than she cared to admit.

"Bridge." Chakotay ordered quietly, he sounded defeated, hurt and annoyed all at once. Sneakily glancing out of the corner of his eye, he noticed she was stood as far away from him as the turbo lift allowed, her back was ram rod straight and it proved she was uncomfortable. _This is ridiculous, _he thought angrily. Taking a deep breath he gained control of his emotions.

"Computer, halt turbo lift." His voice echoed around the small space, bouncing off of the dull walls and back into their ears. A surprised Kathryn turned to face him, again their eyes caught momentarily, before Kathryn reluctantly turned away. For a few moments nothing was said; Kathryn desperately wanted to escape but she knew it was inevitable, so she might as well get it over and done with. Chakotay was ordering his thoughts to try and process the right words to say. They both spoke at once;

"Chakotay I…"

"Kathryn…"

That brought a smile out of both of them, elevating the tension moderately, at least for the moment.

"Chakotay, I don't think there is any need for us to act so…uncomfortable around each other, we were friends before and I want to be friends now. Anybody would think something disastrous had happened." Chakotay didn't answer for a few minutes, he was trying to reign in all of the hurt, anger and frustration he was feeling, when he finally calmed down, he replied in his usual voice;

"And if I want us to be more?" Kathryn's eyes shoot up to his as soon as it left his mouth.

"Wha…what?" She stammered, she was unprepared for this event, she always thought he understood where she stood on this ship; how she had to be, in order to be the best Captain possible and to get this crew home, and obviously she was mistaken.

"You heard me Kathryn."

"Chakotay…you know I can't protocol…"

"God dam it Kathryn!" He ran his hands through his hair and looked her directly in her eyes. "This isn't about protocol…we are seventy thousand light years from earth, anyone with common sense can see that the fraternization rules aren't relevant, what are you going to do, be alone all that time." Kathryn was too shocked to say anything; instead she just stared at him as he continued.

"Don't even try and say it would affect the command structure…you already have feelings for me so if it was going to be effected it already has been, and let's face it, you could command this ship with a blindfold and both hands behind your back, so you can't say you would be distracted either. You would never let anything get in the way of this ship and I wouldn't let it anyway!"

"I…I...I never said…" He wouldn't let her finish her sentence. His eyes hardened and his voice lowered dangerously:

"Don't you dare, Kathryn, don't say it! Don't lie to me like that, I know you have feelings for me, in fact I know you love me. I'm not being egotistical, Kathryn, I see it in the way you look at me, oh its well hidden behind that Captains mask you like to where so much, but its there, I know, I look at you in the same way. So don't say that if you don't mean it." His voice was pleading with her and she felt a lone tear trickle down her cheek. "Kathryn, I love you! And I refuse to hide my feelings, I can't hide my feelings. At least off duty I can't, on duty I know I can still be the model first officer, I did it before and I can do it now. The only difference is I know you return my feelings."

Kathryn couldn't help the shocked expression that formed on her face. _He loved me before, _her mind screamed at her. Seeing her shocked expression Chakotay added, "Yes Kathryn, I loved you before New earth…" his voice became a whisper, "I think I fell in love with you when I first saw you on that view screen."

Closing her eyes Kathryn felt another tear join the first. When she reopened her glistening eyes Chakotay's face was mere centimetres from hers, she could feel his breath tickle her lips. A shiver ran through her body.

"Please Kathryn…please don't fight this," was the last thing Chakotay whispered, before his lips pressed gently against hers. His hands ran through her hair and down to her shoulder, holding her to him but giving her the chance to pull away if she wanted, she didn't.

Captain Kathryn Janeway finally gave in, at least for a few moments. She slowly parted her lips and began to return the kiss. It was everything she had expected and more: it held and showed love, tenderness, longing and desire. The emotions it evoked built up until finally, after what seemed like a life time she pulled away, bringing her finger tips to her lips and stifling a sob.

Chakotay closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. After several more breaths he turned to face the turbo lift doors and gave the order to resume. His voice was constricted with emotion as he quietly and reluctantly gave the demand.

"I wont give up, Kathryn." He whispered, before the doors parted allowing him to stride onto the bridge as if nothing happened. Kathryn straightened her pose and marched onto the bridge after him, heading straight for the ready room doors.

"You have the bridge, Commander. I'll be in my ready room."

As soon as the doors hissed shut, she made her way to the couch and collapsed onto it, breaking down into fits of tears. Kathryn realised she was fighting a battle she didn't want to fight anymore, if she ever even did.

TBC...

Please please please, tell me what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews :D Sorry it has taken a while but I have been busy, I hope you enjoy it :)

PLEASE R&R

Thanks

x

* * *

Lying ungracefully on the couch, Kathryn angrily wiped away the tears that were falling. She had no idea how long she had been crying, but enough was enough, she had to remain strong and ignore the inner battle of Kathryn versus the Captain and get back to duty, that way she could prevent herself from dwelling on what Chakotay had said and for that matter did. Kathryn forced herself to stand and move towards the tiny bathroom in the corner of her ready room, she splashed several handfuls of cold water over her face, to rid the evidence of tears, it wouldn't do any good for anyone to see the Captain crying, even if she had been in the privacy of the ready room.

PADD's were stacked tidily upon her desk and immediately caught her eye when she exited the bathroom. Holding back a sigh, she collapsed into the chair behind her desk; she hadn't felt this emotionally drained for a very long time. Her carefully placed barriers had cracks forming and because of that everything she had been holding in for the past two years decided to attempt escape. _He loved me before, I can't believe it. I always felt drawn to him but…love, _her thoughts kept return to Chakotay's words, the words that completely demolished every single argument she had against starting a relationship with him. Now she was more than confused, she knew that what he had said was true, so maybe she could…_No, I can't have a relationship. I couldn't, it would completely effect the command relationship…I just couldn't, _she thought angrily, _so what if I care about him, I care about all of my crew, this is no different. _With the Captain finally in place she picked up a random PADD and began to immerse her mind in the words; her earlier thoughts placed firmly in the back of her mind, forgotten for the time being.

The stack of unfinished PADD's had halved. Kathryn was pleased that she had nearly caught up with all she had missed. It felt good to get back to work, even if she would soon be back to resenting reports. Stretching her arms above her head, she yawned, her restless night finally catching up with her. _Nothing a cup of coffee can't solve, _she said to herself. Before she reached her replicator, her COMM badge beeped.

"Captain to the bridge."

She bypassed the replicator, heading straight towards the doors leading to the bridge. When they opened she avoided all eye contact with Chakotay and moved to her chair.

"Report."

Chakotay's thoughts were chaotic; his mind was filled with disbelief at his actions, anger at Kathryn and her stubbornness, joy because when he had kissed her she had kissed him back and determination. Chakotay had meant everything he had said in the turbolift, he would fight for her, no matter how often she pushed him away, he would just have to break down her barriers and make her see that their would be nothing wrong with them having that sort of relationship. After all he could be just as stubborn as she could and he could already see her control weakening.

As he sat in his chair he watched her movements, noticing that she was heading directly for the ready room. _She is hiding from it, _he thought.

"You have the bridge, Commander. I'll be in my ready room." Her voice was lower then usual, instantly making him feel guilty, but he quickly pushed that thought away, after all it was her fault, she wanted to make things overly difficult.

"Aye Captain." Chakotay sighed. He noticed Tom turning in his seat, sharing a confused look with Harry, obviously noticing the Captain's unusual behaviour.

"Problem, Mr Paris." His voice sounded sharper then he intended it to be, but he was too frustrated to do anything about it. Tom quickly returned his concentration to the helm.

"No Sir."

The mood of the bridge quickly began to reflect Chakotay's mood. The bridge crew obviously realised that he was in no mood for banter, jokes or any conversation whatsoever. After a while the silence became filled with a beeping sound followed by Ensign Kim's reluctant voice. Harry obviously didn't want to be the one to break the silence.

"Sir, sensors are detecting a small M-class planet, three point five light years away. I'm detecting large quantities of Dilithium."

"Good job, Ensign." Chakotay nodded and smiled slightly at Harry before tapping his COMM badge. "Captain to the bridge." Chakotay turned to face the doors. As they opened and Kathryn stepped through, he noticed that she was deliberately avoiding eye contact with him. His annoyance and frustration now doubled.

"Report."

Knowing that he needed to prove to her that a personal relationship wouldn't effect the professional, Chakotay forced his voice to remain neutral and forced his mind to concentrate on the here and now rather than the thoughts his mind felt like repeating.

"Sensors have detected large quantities of Dilithium on a small M-class planet, three point five light years away, Captain. Would you like to change course?"

"Life signs?" Kathryn asked as she took her seat next to Chakotay, forcing her vision to look over his head towards Harry.

"The planet is uninhabited Captain. However there also seems to be quite a lot of plant life." Harry answered happily, the thought of shore leave coming to his mind.

"Well then, how can we miss the opportunity to refill our stocks. Set a course Mr Paris."

"Yes Ma'am."

Silence returned to the bridge, the tension escalating now that Kathryn decided to remain. She could feel Chakotay's eyes on her constantly, but she continued to stare at the view screen. The odd behaviour presented by the command team earned them an unseen, raised eyebrow from their Vulcan, Chief of Security. Thankfully after half an hour, the bridge crew were able to take their lunch break.

Kathryn handed the bridge to Tuvok before stepping into the turbolift, followed closely by Chakotay. _Please let someone else come in the lift, _her mind pleaded. Kathryn stood stiffly with arms folded across her chest, she desperately needed distance from Chakotay but he was determined to make it difficult. He stood directly behind her, too close for her liking, she was about to move, when Tom Paris walked into the small space, ordering the lift to the mess hall, totally unaware of the mood surrounding the duo.

After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Tom decided to begin a conversation.

"So how does it feel to be back." he asked innocently.

"Fine." Both Kathryn and Chakotay snapped in unison, catching Tom off guard. He frowned at them and turned to face the doors, which opened and allowed him to escape from the heavy atmosphere of the turbolift and practically run to enter the mess hall.

Kathryn marched into the mess hall, heading straight for the replicator; ignoring Nelix and the curious glances people were throwing her way.

"Coffee, Black." As the cup appeared she snatched it up and turned to find a table. She didn't notice that Chakotay was stood directly behind her and only just managed to prevent the liquid from spilling. She threw a glare at him before stepping around him.

"Sorry Captain." Chakotay said softly, forcing her to look at him. His face was completely neutral, but his eyes showed the hurt and anger he was experiencing. She nodded quickly and moved to sit at a table on the far side of the room.

Chakotay quickly repressed the urge to kick something and ordered a sandwich from the replicator. He decided to take a risk and sit with Kathryn, he knew she was angry with him, but he really didn't care at the moment. He glided across the room quickly and sat across from her, not bothering to ask for an invite.

"You really should eat something. Coffee doesn't count as a food group." Kathryn glared at him, her eyes flashing with anger. Anger was defiantly something she could deal with.

"I am perfectly able to look after myself, Commander." She barked angrily, emphasizing his rank. Chakotay sighed and shook his head.

"Kathryn…" He tried to continue but she quickly stood up almost slamming the coffee cup on the table. It quickly registered that she was in public and her neutral mask, covered her turbulent emotions. Without saying a word she left the mess hall and quickly headed to her quarters.

Chakotay remained in his chair picking at his sandwich. He knew he had a lot of patience but recognized that he was reaching his limit. _She is too stubborn for her own good! _Having had enough of the curious glancing several crew members were sending his way, he left the mess hall.

"Computer, locate Captain Janeway." He asked the computer quickly, his tone of voice showing his annoyance.

"Captain Janeway is in her quarters." Running on autopilot he made his way through the corridors towards his destination.

After Chakotay exited the mess hall, three crew members began speculating.

"What was all that about? B'Elanna asked curiously, as she looked at Harry and Tom for answers.

"You should be glad you weren't on the bridge this morning. The tension was horrible." Harry groaned, whilst rubbing his face with his hands.

"Do you think they had an argument?" B'Elanna asked after she took a sip of coffee.

"I think something happened on that planet." Tom stated, absentmindedly whilst playing with his food. "I asked them if they enjoyed being back and they both snapped at me. I was just happy to get out of that turbolift alive."

"You don't think…" Harry began.

"I don't know Harry, but something has changed between them." Both Harry and B'Elanna nodded at Tom's statement.

"For once Paris, I think you might be right." B'Elanna stated before returning to her meal.

Kathryn didn't know how long she had been sat leaning on the wall next to her door. She knew she shouldn't have acted that way with Chakotay but she found anger so much easier to deal with. Her other emotions were just too complicated to think about, yet now they were all she could think about. She couldn't get his hurt expression out of her mind and it made her feel guilty for trying to ignore him.

The door chime sounded twice before she heard it. Reluctantly pulling herself from the floor, she straightened her uniform and opened the door. As she caught sight of Chakotay her heart leapt into her throat, cutting off any conversation. Before she could protest he gently moved her aside so he could step passed her. The doors closed silently after Kathryn took a couple of steps into the room. For the first time since the turbolift incident she made eye contact with him, as he searched her eyes for answers.

TBC...

Please review :D You know you want to!


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Here it is the final chapter, sorry it took so long! Thanks for all the reviews :D This chapter is short but in my opinion sweet, soI hope you enjoy it :D

PLEASE R&R

Thanks

x

* * *

The environment around didn't exist, everything else was unimportant compared to this rare bond that is very nearly visible between them. The air is filled with a tension that is edible, crackling with apprehension. Chakotay's eyes bore into her very soul, leaving nothing untouched or searched thoroughly. It was so intense that Kathryn just had to turn away, if she didn't she would be powerless to stop herself falling into his arms.

Kathryn was sure she felt a physical pain when she broke the eye contact, but she had to stand her ground, this sort of intimacy and dare she say love was just to dangerous to deal with. All of her concentration needed to be on her ship and crew not on a relationship that she was sure would be the most intense she had ever dealt with. She knew that if she lost him that she wouldn't be able to cope. All the other excuses she had used were just that, excuses. The reality of the situation is that she was scared.

As if he was reading her mind Chakotay asked, "What are you so afraid of Kathryn?" his tone was resigned and sounded defeated. "Now you're not even on speaking terms with me. Does anger make the situation easier to deal with?" Completely astounded by how correct he was Kathryn folded her arms across her chest and glared at him; basically proving his point but at this particular moment she didn't care she was to busy trying to keep all her defensive barriers up and stable.

Noticing her defensive position and her Captain's façade slipping back into place Chakotay resorted to extreme measures. He wanted to talk to Kathryn not the Captain and knowing that she wouldn't allow herself to back down he took three steps towards her so she could feel the heat of his body and he could feel hers. Like he predicted she didn't step back, but instead met his challenge. However he noticed that her hard eyes faulted slightly giving him a glimpse of the emotion inside.

"Chakotay I have given you my reasons and that's all there is to it." Kathryn stated with a slight waver in her voice, which caused her to inwardly curse herself. "I don't think we have anything else to talk about." She stepped passed him and took a step towards her bedroom, effectively ending the discussion.

Kathryn was able to make a few more steps before she felt his hands grab her shoulders and twist her around. She felt her anger boil through her and tried to struggle out of his grasp.

"Chakotay let me go!" She demanded weakly. Before she realised it she felt her back hit the wall, trapping her. She let out her breath to try and calm her turbulent emotions and refused to meet his eyes.

"Kathryn, you don't have to be afraid. We can do this, I know we can.I can make you happy if you just let me." He loosened his grip on her arms and lifted his hand to caress her cheek. Instead of pulling away Kathryn turned into his touch, her eyes still tightly closed. "Just give us a chance." He whispered.

Slowly Kathryn opened her eyes, as she did water spilled from the corners. Chakotay brought his other hand to her face and used his thumbs to wipe her cheeks. As she gazed into his eyes he allowed all of his emotions, every bit of love, devotion, respect and admiration to show. Kathryn lifted her hand to stroke his face, tracing his bottom lip with her thumb. She let her hand drop at the same time as her head bowed a soft cry escaping her lips. Her shoulders shook clearly indicating that she was crying.

"Kathryn…" Chakotay question quietly. As he watched he saw her head nod slightly, it was barely noticeable, but Chakotay always noticed everything about her.

"Okay." She whispered, Chakotay heard her take a shaky breath before she lifted her head slowly wearing a watery smile. "Okay."

Joy radiated from Chakotay's face forcing Kathryn to match his brilliant smile with one of her own. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer, with her hands resting against his chest.

"This isn't going to be easy." She whispered.

"I know."

"I'm really stubborn."

"I know." He chuckled, whilst rubbing his hand up and down her back gently. Kathryn slowly moved her arms to wrap around his neck, joining him in laughter. She became serious drawing her eyes to his.

"I do love you." She said so softly that he barely heard her. As a reply he placed his lips mere millimetres from hers. Before he claimed her lips in a tender kiss he whispered simply,

"I know."

The End

Please review and tell me what you think.:D

I am thinking about doing a sequel of sorts for this story, by writing my own versions of certain eps. Basics would be the next one. Please say if you think I should and if you have any other ideas for what eps i could use :D


End file.
